• 17.11.21

    Feelings are gone.

    What do I feel?

    Fear.

    I draw limits. No more crime series. Very few violence on screen. Age limit is under 10.

    I draw limits. No alcohol, never ever ever.

    I draw limits. Never more than one day alone without going out for a walk.

    My aunt asked me, but what do you do of all that time off?

    I don't know. I think it's a mess. I think I do nothing. I think I'm sick.

    I seek reassurance and comfort. It's hard to be alone and I haven't managed to stay there for a whole weekend.

    I want the fire lit up in the chimney and the smell of cookies coming from the kitchen. I want a bed in a house where I'm not alone and where I am not in charge.

    I still get up and go to school but why do I even go.

    I'm unsure whether the world will still exist in thirty years.

    I cannot imagine what I'd look like in thirty years.

    I can't see myself still living in thirty years.

    Am I sick?

    Pain has come back. There's pain now, I mean real pain, I mean physical pain. I whisper heal me but it feels like there's no ending of it.

    I see everyone around me thrive. People my age thrive. They do so well. Their lives have meaning. And they are beautiful and I'm happy for them and I'm not envious I just wish I was doing a quarter as good as they do.

    It's not mental pain. It's nothing. It doesn't even exist. Just like that place. Doesn't exist.

    I feel like there's a wall somewhere. A plexiglass sheet. How do people even have a life?

    A solid transparent sheet that I can't even see but that keeps me from growing up a little more.


  • Commentaires

    Aucun commentaire pour le moment

    Suivre le flux RSS des commentaires


    Ajouter un commentaire

    Nom / Pseudo :

    E-mail (facultatif) :

    Site Web (facultatif) :

    Commentaire :